I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
