People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
