so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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