I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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