She said her name was "party"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
