Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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