He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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