Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
