Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
