What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Did you pee in the oven last night??
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
