She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
