My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
