I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
