i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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