someone get that fucking seahorse.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
