Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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