evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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