i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Everything about him screamed your future.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
