Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
