I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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