Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Two words: blizzard sex
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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