I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
