Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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