he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
