she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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