mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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