I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
