is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
