why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
