Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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