so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
