Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
