I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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