home. puking in laundry basket.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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