Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
it glows. i had to have it.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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