No awkward lesbian experiences without me
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
