rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
