woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It's never too late to be topless.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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