Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
