Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
