If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
