she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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