So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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