I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
