Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
