Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
