we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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