you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
