I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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