I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
