she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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